I thought I would steer away from memories tonight and talk to you about the hear and now. As you know I am 35 and going through divorce. Well I am happy on my own, but miss companionship.
I have lots of friends and acquaintances but none I can say "you fancy going out this weekend?" they are all married and have families.
My children and I are living with my parents, now this is fine and I am truly grateful they took us in, in our hours of need. I would have had to go to a woman's refuge which, I would of done if I had no other choice.
Anyway being back with your parents not having my own space or not much i can call my own is not so good. Also I get bored with their company all the time. I am always thankful for what I have got, so please don't think I am being ungrateful.
So what do I do to meet new people, I can't go out when I feel like it, I am a single mum, and not only that can't exactly go and sit in the pub on my own can I.
So I joined a dating site, I enjoy chatting to people, I am a very social person. I chat to a few men, who are nice to chat to. I am not looking for love or sex, I am looking for companionship and if the other things develop from that then so be it.
Now because of what I have been through I have somethings that I find a little difficult. I am getting better. I am just beginning to realise that I am actually quite an attractive woman. I am becoming confident in my looks. If I am out on a date or have a boyfriend, it takes me a little while to adjust, if they look at me, I find it hard and I wonder what they are looking at. They usually find this "cute" or "endearing". I get why do you do that? It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, I just not used to it, my ex husband never told me I was pretty or attractive, quite the opposite. So I think why they looking at me?
And the other thing is affection, now to me this something that develops with time. I have been on two first dates lately, getting on fine, having a good laugh and chat. But then they tried to hold my hand, cuddle and kiss me. Which makes me really uncomfortable as I don't really know them. One guy tried to corner me in a crowded pub, I end up having to knee him in the groin to get him off me. The other date, which was only last night, i politely asked him to stop, he just kept saying "I cant help it you are so beautiful I just want to hold your hand". So i kept pulling my hand away. Then he has the cheek to say, can you walk me back to the train station and wait for my train with me. : O. Leave me to walk back from the station, which is not in the nicest of places, 11pm on my own. What planet was he on, I am not a naive little girl. I said "here is a taxi rank, I am going to go back to my brothers now". He then said "can I kiss you?" So I kissed him on the cheek, he kept saying come on let me kiss you. I said no thanks, and got I'm the taxi.
I think a kiss on the cheek is appropriate for the first date. Don't you? It really annoys me when people are in such a rush, why can't people just take things slow.
Anyway got to get ready for work now.
Catch you later